Things are so busy that I feel like I am just able to do the next first thing in front of me. I have so many ideas that I want to get down into writing, but everything is swirling with no direction. There is also a lot that I want to write about, but not every story is just mine to share. It is one of the complexities of writing in the realm of nonfiction and current news and events. But also, I am not sure I am ready to write about all of it because I am still processing so much of it. The image in my head when I feel this way is a tangle of knots, like the hard ball that forms when a delicate chain wraps up into itself. When life gets like this, my go-to is Mary, Undoer of Knots. Her feast day is tomorrow – September 28th. In the many times I have turned to her she has gently shown me the role I play in making these knots tighter. Often by trying to fix what was in front of me – no matter how intensely I tried to pull and yank the knot out – it stubbornly laid there hardened in front of me. She showed me that sometimes you just need to gently knead out the knot by rolling it in your fingers and letting the knot show you where it can come unloosed. It takes time and patience. Slow breathing and stretch breaks.
In June, we honor the Sacred Heart of Jesus. By placing these knots in front of Jesus and asking Him to take it up, I learned detachment. Ignatian spirituality helped drive that home. Detachment is a big scary leap that offers a freedom and lightness on the other side. It is so hard to loosen my grasp on the railing, but once I did, I found that I was on stable ground ready for me to regain my footing. In meditating on detachment I started to see that I didn’t need to hold on to these knots. Last night, in prayer, I realized that the Our Father actually nudges us towards detachment. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done. It is what it will be. As they say in AA, “Let go and let God.” It’s all detachment. Now, that is not to say we move to inaction. Instead, it reminds us that we have a responsibility, yes, but we are not God. We will be judged by our actions, our care for Creation and her people, yes, and our love. The righteousness and holiness for which we are to strive is to be right with God, which begs the question: what is God’s and what is actually just… noise?
The knots that are mine to unravel slowly respond to the gentle movement between my fingers, like rosary beads falling and rising as I work towards the next Hail Mary. The knots that are not mine to fix will stubbornly sit there wound up and hardened no matter how hard I try to smooth it all out. It’s okay to let go of those knots and trust that someone will get to them. Maybe it will be you some day, but maybe today is not that day. Maybe it’s time to just lay it down for a bit and take some deep breaths and stretch your neck out. Look out the window and ask Mary and Jesus to hold on to it, work on it for a bit. From my experience, usually, it’s not really my handiwork anyway. Just the Spirit moving through my fingers.
That all just came spilling out of me and I really came here to share about some books and writings that I have seen around the Internet and thought I should beef it up a bit with some explanation of why I haven’t been writing on the blog. I guess some of those whirling ideas had more of a direction than I realized.
Here is what I wanted to share:
- The newest issue of Common Horizon (Vol. 1 Issue 3) is now available for purchase at From Here Media.
- Shannon Evans has a new book out called Rewilding Motherhood: Your Path to an Empowered Feminine Spirituality. I was lucky to be enough to be part of the launch team and, man, it does not disappoint. You can buy it here or pretty much anywhere books can be purchased. You can read my review here.
- My Instagram friend Gina started a Substack and her writing is fantastic. She lives in France, but she is from Scotland. We both lived in Seattle, but not at the same time.
- Now I am reading Abuelita Faith: What Women on the Margins Teach Us about Wisdom, Persistence, and Strength by Kat Armas and I cannot wait to tell you more once I am done.
- OH! And my other Instagram friend Cameron Bellm partnered with Lauren Winters from Brickhouse in the City released a new No Unlikely Saints devotional focused on mental health and it is just what the world needs right now.