Today is Tuesday of the Fourth Week in Ordinary Time and the Scripture readings for today’s mass hit close to home. Begging God to be close, contemplating Jesus’ miraculous healings, and remembering that this sacred scripture is full of stories and histories that deal with suffering, death, and mourning. At the end, though, there is always redemption. Right now in this turmoil and this oscillation between thanking God that our daughter is alive and wishing this wasn’t happening each day starts to feel monotonous. We have ridden this roller coaster too many times to get the thrill anymore. We get up to do it again to come back to this room that is not our home. I question if I am praying for the right things. I wonder what I will find wisdom in when I look back on these times. And I keep coming back to miracles and wondering what miracles are ahead of us.
Our baby will come home with us. Now we know that. Some parents here don’t know that. There are so many things to be thankful for in Olivia’s prognosis, but there is still so much we are mourning. And I find myself in this space of wanting a miracle and simultaneously floating through each day grasping for a normalcy that I hope will go away.
Psalm 86:1-2, 3-4, 5-6
R. (1a) Listen, Lord, and answer me.
Incline your ear, O LORD; answer me,
for I am afflicted and poor.
Keep my life, for I am devoted to you;
save your servant who trusts in you.
You are my God.
R. Listen, Lord, and answer me.
Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for to you I call all the day.
Gladden the soul of your servant,
for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
R. Listen, Lord, and answer me.
For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,
abounding in kindness to all who call upon you.
Hearken, O LORD, to my prayer
and attend to the sound of my pleading.
R. Listen, Lord, and answer me.
To all the saints in heaven, pray for us.
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